Last night I was talking to my guy and watching him on screen gave me these thoughts: 1. How come I’m together with someone completely different? 2. How come it’s becoming easier to love someone really far from my world? 3. Why do we have to be far from each other? 4. is it possible to actually love another while you’re together with someone? 5. Why does my world stop when I see this guy? Like seriously, he makes it all stop. I’ve been with my guy for almost 8 months now, but why, when we talk, do I have this feeling like it’s my high school crush in front of me? It was never that before we got together. It’s just strange that my feelings for him are getting stronger besides the time and the distance. And what’s stranger is that I’m getting used to him being far away from me, ‘cause even if he is, I still know he’s there loving me. I think the only disturbing fact there is, is that sometimes when you just wanted that someone to be there in front of you, like hold him/her physically, and then you can’t but instead all you can do is hold him/her in your thoughts. Like living in fantasy world. I recall my younger years when I used to talk to God, and then there were times that I just wanted Him here badly...like talk to me, face to face, to make me feel even more that He’s there and that I wasn’t alone in my fight for this friggin life. But what? Nothing. Nothing changes and there’s nothing you can do about it too.
I don't know if I have the right to question love, but why did I have to fall for someone just completely different! Then being together, almost perfect, why do we have to be apart.. I might've found this guy I can give my love to, but there always have to be that wall. Don't I deserve a perfect relationship? Sometimes, we just can't avoid the heaviness inside when you wanted to know one person and show him/her everything but - it's complicated. Not being able to talk to him or even tap him to give him a smile as often as you want to, not being able to tell the stories you wish to share, and not being able to spend quality time together. It's a struggle to try to keep that bond. This is the first 'real' long distance relationship I've had and 4 months of being apart seems like a decade already. I'm not sure how long this is going to be since it's the first time to be with someone 'really really' worlds away..but sometimes I couldn't avoid that feeling of wanting to just give it all up. However, half of me wants to stay to see and fight if it's actually going to work out. And I'd say the feelings I have for him are still stronger than the feeling of wanting to stop. I wish it's that strong enough to keep me alive in the next mornings. (to be continued..)
I don't know if I have the right to question love, but why did I have to fall for someone just completely different! Then being together, almost perfect, why do we have to be apart.. I might've found this guy I can give my love to, but there always have to be that wall. Don't I deserve a perfect relationship? Sometimes, we just can't avoid the heaviness inside when you wanted to know one person and show him/her everything but - it's complicated. Not being able to talk to him or even tap him to give him a smile as often as you want to, not being able to tell the stories you wish to share, and not being able to spend quality time together. It's a struggle to try to keep that bond. This is the first 'real' long distance relationship I've had and 4 months of being apart seems like a decade already. I'm not sure how long this is going to be since it's the first time to be with someone 'really really' worlds away..but sometimes I couldn't avoid that feeling of wanting to just give it all up. However, half of me wants to stay to see and fight if it's actually going to work out. And I'd say the feelings I have for him are still stronger than the feeling of wanting to stop. I wish it's that strong enough to keep me alive in the next mornings. (to be continued..)
