~Songbird~

For you, there’ll be no more crying,
For you, the sun will be shining,
And I feel that when I’m with you,
It’s alright, I know it’s right

To you, I’ll give the world
To you, I’ll never be cold
‘Cause I feel that when I’m with you,
It’s alright, I know it’s right.

And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before.

And I wish you all the love in the world,
But most of all, I wish it from myself.

And the songbirds keep singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before, like never before.

Underneath Your Clothes*

You're a song
Written by the hands of God
Don't get me wrong cause
This might sound to you a bit odd
But you own the place
Where all my thoughts go hiding
And right under your clothes
Is where I find them

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl honey

Because of you
I forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you
I'm running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone
When the party's over
We will still belong to each other

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl honey

I love you more than all that's on the planet
Movin' talkin' walkin' breathing
You know it's true
Oh baby it's so funny
You almost don't believe it
As every voice is hanging from the silence
Lamps are hanging from the ceiling
Like a lady tied to her manners
I'm tied up to this feeling

04.23.2011

You're a man who takes great pride in himself and in his dreams, a man that shows a powerful love and respect for himself and his family. There are many kinds of greatness in the world, but yours - which stems from your strength, courage, wisdom and warmth - makes you an EXCEPTIONAL MAN.

My partner, my friend. It's nice to know we're in this thing together, come rain or shine we're partners to the end. It's you for me and me for you forever, it's so nice to be in love with you.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

ALEXANDER

I'm going to write about you; and even if you're too beautiful for words, I still want to write about you.

Yes you - you make me happy, you make me blue; you make me crazy, you make me want you.

I know it may sound like they're plain 'rhyming words' but like I told you before, I write words that rhyme my thoughts; I search for words that express how I felt.

I hope you know by now and believe it's true, every day I'm falling more and more in love with you.

It's just you, my one and only love, and I'm proud to say we made it through; right here, right now I don't care, I'm staying right beside you.

I want to go dancing in the rain with you, want to go bracing the sun with you; I want to go catch the last flight with you, want to touch your face and whisper 'I love you'.

I long for the day I'd be with you, every minute every hour I think of you; and just so you know.. I'd be right here waiting for you. <3

Out of the Box -

Paul Sheldon - got the name from a movie. I don't know if he's fictional, but he inspired me to write in the middle of the night like a psycho probably would. My brother-in-law keeps asking me about my relationship status; if I ever consider dating others or get attracted to others; if the bond or the love keeps getting stronger between me and Alex; if I ever plan to be together with him forever. You know stuff that I, for the record, know has a hidden agenda. I know they want the best for me, and I know what makes me happy. So at the end of the day, I get to choose what I do with my life and they know that. Whatever they say, whatever happens, I am responsible for my actions and my decisions.

I'm not sure if we're okay so I didn't really know what to say. Yet I managed to say "..we're okay..i think." with hopes that we really are, you know what I'm sayin? But at this point of time I don't know anymore... I try to avoid asking myself the question if this is really worth fighting for. I don't like thinking about the future but when I try I don't see anything. It's like this whole fantasy will never be walled down! I don't like not being there to see him happy, what he does, cheer him up when he's lonely; I can't even do anything to just talk to him or reach out to make up when I did something awful. It's like, ..how can I friggin show him everything I wanna show him when all I could do is come on facebook and tell myself it's okay when it doesn't FEEL okay! :'( I, feel so.. helpless. I don't even know what to write anymore to make him feel how I wanted him to feel or make him see what I saw or imagine what I experienced - it's all falling down on me now and I can't help but cry 'cause I know deep in this stupid heart that it's going to hurt me so bad if I let it go. :'(

Or maybe I'm just scared of getting hurt. Maybe I'm not really scared of losing him. I've lost men in my life several times and it wouldn't be new, right? Men will always have enough power to make any woman cry. You know a lot of people would tell me how I shouldn't be too trusting with my man, they'd even advice me not to settle down. I see people and friends with the same sitch, do it and play stupid games of love. And seriously, I have all the chances in the world to friggin take that in but I just CAN'T DO IT! It's... I don't wanna do it.. There are so many beautiful guys out there in my outer lining, so many of em I can choose to be together with..and yet why don't I ever let em in? It's just not my way of having fun. x( But being together..with someone..it's..crappy sometimes. When you don't agree with one thing, you don't like the same thing and nobody wants to give way, when you have misunderstandings, when you long for that someone to share some talks with but you-just-don't-have-the-fucking-way-to-do-it. How can it work this way?? Can anybody tell me??! x'( God this is so frustrating. Just how?? How is it going to work this way?!

I'm just so confused right now.. :'( so confused I don't know what to do about this. All I know is I had to let it all out otherwise it was gonna kill me. I know I love him.. But I'm not sure if that is even enough. Sometimes it's just not enough...

x'(