*End of the Line

All alone I wait for you
As darkness fill this room
I don't know why you ain't called
Little things you used to do
They're no longer part of you
Seems you left them all behind

Well I can't believe
What I'm going through
This thing it just ain't right
Your selfish ways
How you carry on
Some things you just can't hide

If you want me to go,
then say it
Want me to stay,
then show it
Don't be afraid
Oh, don't break this heart of mine
Now's the time
If i'm right
Then we've come to the end of the line

Seems like I can't do you right
All I do or say is wrong
All the smallest things criticized
I deserve some damn respect
Nothing more and nothing less
Don't pretend everything's fine

Don't hold it back if it's in your heart
Stand up and be a man
Can't read your mind so I just say loud
I'm trying to understand

If you want me to go,
then say it
Want me to stay,
then show it
Don't be afraid
Oh, don't break this heart of mine
Now's the time
If i'm right
Then we've come to the end of the line

Even though you've been doin' me wrong
I still care
Do you think that by treating me cruel
that somehow I’d disappear?
Baby I love you too much just too walk away
Don't make me hate you
Baby you've got to be straight

If you want me to go,
then say it
Want me to stay,
then show it
Don't be afraid
Oh, don't break this heart of mine
Now's the time
If i'm right
Then we've come to the end of the line.

*cOLd As yOu

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you
Died for you

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

*Re-reconstruction*

Reconstruction from the hurricane

Overwhelming joy drove me insane

Thought I’d never ask for more

It felt a lot better than before

Then you came along and took me

Everything perfect, everything free

But now why don’t I feel right?

Nothing seems to be the way they used to be

And things have changed

I guess people too

I feel it now, do you feel it too?

If I ever make it through

It’ll be a re-reconstruction

Rebuilding a path to where I should go

Remaking the past is stupid I know

Thought I’d never really ask for more

It was a whole lot better before

And now you are a part of my story

Everything happy, you told me you love me

But why does it feel different?

Nothing seems to be easy and they used to be

I guess things have changed

And people too

I see it now, do you see it too?

If we ever make it through

It’ll be a re-reconstruction

Remember you said we fit together

Right now I just want you more than ever

Thought I will be asking for more

But you are still better than before

When you came along and caught me

It’s all I ever want it to be

Now why don’t I feel right?

Can we go back to where it used to be?

Things have changed

And people too

I know it now, do you know it too?

That if I ever make it through

I will need a re-reconstruction

If I ever make it through,

With or without you

It’s a re-reconstruction.

Jet Lag

What time is it where you are?
I miss you more than anything
Back at home you feel so far
Waitin' for the phone to ring
It's gettin’ lonely livin’ upside down
I don't even wanna be in this town
Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin' me crazy

You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's driving me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged

What time is it where you are?
Five more days and I'll be home
I keep your picture in my car
I hate the thought of you alone
I've been keepin' busy all the time
Just to try to keep you off my mind
Tryin' to figure out the time zones makin’ me crazy

You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Is so jet lagged

I miss you so bad
I wanna share your horizon
I miss you so bad
And see the same sun rising
I miss you so bad
Turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me.

You say good morning
When it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss when you say good morning
But it's midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
I wake up to your sunset
And it's drivin' me mad
I miss you so bad
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Is so jetlagged

Letter 66 <:Received:>

Dear Leslie,

I know that you will not be surprised to hear from me again. How have you been? I never heard about you lately and I know you know what I mean when I ask you that. You don’t tell me anything, but I feel it. I feel your doubts and fears. I’ve been good, that’s what I thought, but I’m quite bothered about you. I want you to be honest. Tell me, are you troubled? I want to be able to help you face everything if you let me. It’s easy to say but if I’m there who knows I might just be able to take that spear out of your chest. Please, trust me.

I do not mean to sound poetic again and all that. All I want is for you to take my hand and try to hang in there. Who am I to say this alright but it has to start somewhere, right? Leslie, think about how you feel right now, with everything that’s happening around you, in general. Think about the people whether they hurt you, make you happy, ignored you, partied with you, everything! Then tell me, is everything okay?

I am not trying hard to be a therapist or something ;) but the smiles in your pictures tell me a lot. Is it really that bad? You can always find an easier way out you know. If you’re at the edge, I’m not suggesting you jump off but you can leave. If you can’t make it go away, just walk away from it. Is it this time you weigh things so hard and not find any answer at all? Do you feel you are alone? Well you need to make a stand. You know you can always give it up. Give up the things you feel you need the least. It may be hard, but you see it’s true, we are alone. As a person with your own thinking you will need to make your own decision. Why should you care about the obstructions? They won’t care about you! Hehe

You can always keep everything if you feel you are not ready. You will need to keep your lines and your doors open. Yes the lines are necessary. Haha Better things may come your way and you never know when. Take everything! I’m sure the others are doing the same so why be left behind? Get what I mean? ;) I’m sure you do. You’re one of the smartest I have met.

But I actually don’t understand why you need to prolong the agony. Everybody else in this world is living their lives. What are you waiting for? No, why are you waiting? From what I see, this is the root to your depression right now. But I hope you realize that nobody is going to wait for you. Not even those closest to you believe me. That’s how I see your situation. And why the hell are other people becoming bases of how you will make your choices in life?? Leslie, never ever attach yourself with anything else but yourself and the people you know will be there all the way through thick and thin and you know who they are. You know what you’re doing? You’re trying to swerve every bump thinking you can get away when you know you’re heading to that same big bump eventually. If you don’t find it healthy why should you go on? Sometimes you just have to accept things as they are. It will not always be what you imagine them to be you know. You should probably stop watching too much movies or whatever? ;)

I don’t know how else I can cheer you up, but hey, I tried. ;) Do what you want, for goodness’ sake, Les. Stop thinking about other people! Think about yourself instead! Think about me, too! Haha. But I’m serious. I can’t tell you to ‘be happy’, but try to look at the beautiful things in your life at present. Ah the things of your reach, in particular. If you don’t have enough power to go beyond then don’t push it. Be contented, be patient. I think you are no longer enjoying the present because you worry too much about tomorrow. You can also consider coming to me and I know I just know it’s really awkward don’t deny that and yes I’m sure you will deny that. I hope you figure out that’s how people get messed up sometimes – denying. And you better know that regrets always follow. Haha. Too shy, too scared, too coward, too insensitive, too unprepared, too laid-back, too slow, too many excuses people have! Well I hope you write back or something.

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