Letter 66 <:Received:>

Dear Leslie,

I know that you will not be surprised to hear from me again. How have you been? I never heard about you lately and I know you know what I mean when I ask you that. You don’t tell me anything, but I feel it. I feel your doubts and fears. I’ve been good, that’s what I thought, but I’m quite bothered about you. I want you to be honest. Tell me, are you troubled? I want to be able to help you face everything if you let me. It’s easy to say but if I’m there who knows I might just be able to take that spear out of your chest. Please, trust me.

I do not mean to sound poetic again and all that. All I want is for you to take my hand and try to hang in there. Who am I to say this alright but it has to start somewhere, right? Leslie, think about how you feel right now, with everything that’s happening around you, in general. Think about the people whether they hurt you, make you happy, ignored you, partied with you, everything! Then tell me, is everything okay?

I am not trying hard to be a therapist or something ;) but the smiles in your pictures tell me a lot. Is it really that bad? You can always find an easier way out you know. If you’re at the edge, I’m not suggesting you jump off but you can leave. If you can’t make it go away, just walk away from it. Is it this time you weigh things so hard and not find any answer at all? Do you feel you are alone? Well you need to make a stand. You know you can always give it up. Give up the things you feel you need the least. It may be hard, but you see it’s true, we are alone. As a person with your own thinking you will need to make your own decision. Why should you care about the obstructions? They won’t care about you! Hehe

You can always keep everything if you feel you are not ready. You will need to keep your lines and your doors open. Yes the lines are necessary. Haha Better things may come your way and you never know when. Take everything! I’m sure the others are doing the same so why be left behind? Get what I mean? ;) I’m sure you do. You’re one of the smartest I have met.

But I actually don’t understand why you need to prolong the agony. Everybody else in this world is living their lives. What are you waiting for? No, why are you waiting? From what I see, this is the root to your depression right now. But I hope you realize that nobody is going to wait for you. Not even those closest to you believe me. That’s how I see your situation. And why the hell are other people becoming bases of how you will make your choices in life?? Leslie, never ever attach yourself with anything else but yourself and the people you know will be there all the way through thick and thin and you know who they are. You know what you’re doing? You’re trying to swerve every bump thinking you can get away when you know you’re heading to that same big bump eventually. If you don’t find it healthy why should you go on? Sometimes you just have to accept things as they are. It will not always be what you imagine them to be you know. You should probably stop watching too much movies or whatever? ;)

I don’t know how else I can cheer you up, but hey, I tried. ;) Do what you want, for goodness’ sake, Les. Stop thinking about other people! Think about yourself instead! Think about me, too! Haha. But I’m serious. I can’t tell you to ‘be happy’, but try to look at the beautiful things in your life at present. Ah the things of your reach, in particular. If you don’t have enough power to go beyond then don’t push it. Be contented, be patient. I think you are no longer enjoying the present because you worry too much about tomorrow. You can also consider coming to me and I know I just know it’s really awkward don’t deny that and yes I’m sure you will deny that. I hope you figure out that’s how people get messed up sometimes – denying. And you better know that regrets always follow. Haha. Too shy, too scared, too coward, too insensitive, too unprepared, too laid-back, too slow, too many excuses people have! Well I hope you write back or something.

-