Most of the immediate pitfalls and concerns about long distance relationships will likely scare you off. The perils here include not being able to enjoy what other couples in a “normal” relationship do, having to rely on technology to bridge that distance, and other kinkier bullshit. Then there’s the fear of someone else cheating on you, since you’re out of sight hence out of mind. I believe love requires nurturing, and without being able to do so in a fairly constant basis, means an extraordinary amount of effort to make things work.
As in the movie, it gets you to contemplate whether you’re likely to plunge into something like this, or if you’re already in one – take stock at where you’re at now. Generally, long distance relationships are no easy task. I’ve read: building a new relationship is a whole lot harder than maintaining an existing one. At least good if it was a temporary shift; but getting to know one another across the miles for an unknown period of time is going to eat up a known quantity. As all those who can attest would say: “It’s haaarrd.” You would have to figure out a way to survive those long, difficult months or years.
Recognize that you can’t compare a long distance relationship to one based on physical proximity. But you may be surprised how much a relationship can grow – if you work at it. Anything that can convey what is important in the long-term: your goals, values, and dreams. We all know that companionship and connectedness is often the meat and bones of a relationship – and so the challenge is there to prepare yourself for the absence of his or her warmth, smile, and all the wonders of non-verbal communication. Hard, it is.
Work, time difference, just some of the circles that can lead to worry or anxiety depending on your communication needs and limits. These things will eventually escort you to freaking out. That’s why it’s important that you discuss and define your expectations in advance. Be flexible. And most importantly: meet in the middle. It’s likely that one partner will need more communication than the other. With visits, you could try alternate who visits whom and then again consider “meeting in the middle” on occasion. If this may also help: Keep in mind that the tensions that arise now are opportunities to strengthen your relationship for the future.
For first-timers, it might seem like the high school type of relationship: innocent, clueless, and obscure. Either way, the goal is normal relationship, up to finding out whether that initial affection felt will be sufficient to sustain a commitment after the novelty wears off. Dealing when dissatisfaction comes at the lack of intimacy and of course the nagging thought that you may just meet someone better whom you will be happier with than in your current state. And, even with the benefits of modern technology like texting and Skyping, that physical distance still manages to translate into emotional distance. A large part of being together is staying together…even if part of the excitement maybe is not knowing where you’ll end up a few years later.
It isn’t at all easy, but no matter the nagging doubts, it’s still something you won’t give up without a fight.
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