I was staring at him through the darkness. There was silence and somehow he couldn’t see the tears falling from my eyes. For the first time in my life I cried in front of the man I love, not because of anything but because I felt the urge to let out the feelings I have for him. There I hugged him tightly and never would’ve wanted to let go. We were reminded of the very limited time we will be together. It’s something we can’t control. The saddest part is when you need to try to move on to another phase, a phase where he may not be a part of. It’s funny how you have so much love in your heart but you can’t let it grow. All you can do is hold on to what you have and hope it works.
He’s leaving, he’s really leaving. I knew that, but why does it feel like I never did? In the last three months I shared my life with this someone, shared even the deepest depths… He was the only one who bothered to listen, cared to laugh at my silliest jokes and read some of my stupid texts. He was the only one who took time to look into my world and appreciate my nonsense. Tell me, how can I not miss him?
I had mixed feelings when he stared back at me blankly. I didn’t know what he was thinking and all I know was that I wanted him to know how I felt. He smiled and I saw love in his eyes, felt love in his kiss, and I knew right there the first time I saw through those blue eyes… he loves me. And I love him. For me, that’s enough to keep us together.
Amidst the darkness and my fighting back tears, he knew I was crying silently. In that moment, there’s nothing else in this world that could’ve made me feel better than being held in those arms. I didn’t want him to promise anything, nor did I want him to say a word of reassurance. I never wanted anything but his love from the very start. And it’s true I found it in him. He’s all I need… not his words, not his gifts. And I’m happy he never held back from showering me with his love. He was always there for me, my friend, my lover, my confidant. He picked me up just right on time. Tell me again, how can I not love him?
I am in love. And I’m not ashamed to say that my hopes are growing stronger. I know, I’ve never loved this way before, and even I cannot answer my own questions. Why him? Why me? Why have I turned this way? I used to go with the flow and keep my feelings inside me; used to let the love go when the other says so; used to let pride get in the way… I used to pretend I’m too strong to be impaired. Now it’s like I can fall from a cliff freely, facing the smashing hit of the waves below, embracing hurt coz you know it was worth the risk. Now it’s like I can just cry in front of him and talk about feelings. It was never easy to swallow my pride before…but with him, I can just be me, I can humble myself down and let him win…all these without hesitations… The love he gives is unbelievable, as big as his heart, as genuine as his soul… I don’t know how I can describe the person that he is; he’s just too different, so light like a feather, too beautiful for words. I’m just lucky to be loved by him and to love someone like him.
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