Relationships

I fully understand why I feel like this. I am a girl. I have strong instincts. I don’t plan to change the world. I’ll let it work on its own. Like I will without anybody telling me what’s right and wrong. It has never worked out the nice way. In the end, we will all go down to this. So let’s try to walk out of dreamland where everything’s super perfect.

I am usually not the rebellious type. I am just an emotional creep trying to be happy and content with what I have in my very simple life. When it comes to relationships, I am selfish. I’m not ashamed to say that. And this I realized when I first sailed on a long distance relationship. I may not be in the right stand always, but I’ll be a hypocrite to say I am okay with something I’m totally not.

It’s pretty hard to work out one when you’re thousand miles away from each other. It’s even harder to pretend I don’t care when deep inside I’m crying my heart out. Sometimes you will think everything’s perfect, everything’s fine. Later you walk your ass off because the differences come showing up one by one. Then you realize there is so much yet to learn. So much yet to give, so much yet to take. How far you can keep it running is a question only you can answer.

It just gives me the twinge that we are two different worlds trying to merge. And I have so much yet to understand in your culture, what’s acceptable, what’s not, what’s good and bad. You have lived mine, but of course you haven’t taken everything. I am just another weak soul fighting for knowledge and wisdom. Another mind wanting to understand. Another heart hoping to feel love’s existence despite the poles apart…

…but there are some things I do not feel comfortable with. Maybe you do too. And how do I overcome them? When I start to feel I don’t belong, how do I stop it? When I start to think I can’t live with it, how do I change it?

You know people would always tell me I’m better off alone. At my age, it’s either I settle down and marry, or I go soul searching around the world. I only have simple wants and simple needs. But I never thought it’s never going to be that easy to have them. People say I should stick with someone of the same race, same belief, same culture. Well we can never tell who’s meant for me or if there’s actually that someone. But you know if I fail to read this challenge I will never be able to move on to the next page.