I fully
understand why I feel like this. I am a girl. I have strong instincts. I don’t
plan to change the world. I’ll let it work on its own. Like I will without
anybody telling me what’s right and wrong. It has never worked out the nice
way. In the end, we will all go down to this. So let’s try to walk out of
dreamland where everything’s super perfect.
I am
usually not the rebellious type. I am just an emotional creep trying to be happy
and content with what I have in my very simple life. When it comes to
relationships, I am selfish. I’m not ashamed to say that. And this I realized
when I first sailed on a long distance relationship. I may not be in the right
stand always, but I’ll be a hypocrite to say I am okay with something I’m
totally not.
It’s pretty
hard to work out one when you’re thousand miles away from each other. It’s even
harder to pretend I don’t care when deep inside I’m crying my heart out. Sometimes
you will think everything’s perfect, everything’s fine. Later you walk your ass
off because the differences come showing up one by one. Then you realize there
is so much yet to learn. So much yet to give, so much yet to take. How far you
can keep it running is a question only you can answer.
It just
gives me the twinge that we are two different worlds trying to merge. And I have
so much yet to understand in your culture, what’s acceptable, what’s not, what’s
good and bad. You have lived mine, but of course you haven’t taken everything. I
am just another weak soul fighting for knowledge and wisdom. Another mind
wanting to understand. Another heart hoping to feel love’s existence despite the
poles apart…
…but there
are some things I do not feel comfortable with. Maybe you do too. And how do I overcome
them? When I start to feel I don’t belong, how do I stop it? When I start to
think I can’t live with it, how do I change it?
You know
people would always tell me I’m better off alone. At my age, it’s either I settle
down and marry, or I go soul searching around the world. I only have simple
wants and simple needs. But I never thought it’s never going to be that easy to
have them. People say I should stick with someone of the same race, same
belief, same culture. Well we can never tell who’s meant for me or if there’s
actually that someone. But you know if I fail to read this challenge I will
never be able to move on to the next page.
